I say a drink might help me sleep, I said I don't sleep much at all these days, I say it's cold, besides, I'm broken. hard as earth, the love of the past, the worth of the world has frozen still. like the sheet of ice collecting on the windshield of my car. where I caught my reflection captured in glass. a perfect broken image of the future envisioned in the past, corrupted by fate, now fractured and fading away.
replace all I felt promised to me. to be the one who figured it out, who knew what to do, who knew how to feel, and felt that love of the past, the worth of the world, just set it ablaze and thaw me out.

I promised myself I wouldn't lead you on, so here it is, confused and flawed. as foolish these words may seem, as foolish as I may be.


I'm running fast the other way, down a narrow dead end road. I know this won't be the last time I sing
these dreams will be my anchor, these dreams will be the death of me...

through all this, I've been feeling like I'm slowly burning out. nothing is all bad, nothing is quite right. so I keep inking and screaming from my room.
the only way I know how to, I'm calling out to you.

all dressed up in black and grey, we know each other just the same. and every mile that sits between won't understand what it means to have one look mean everything and throw all caution to the sea.


i have faith in us,  if we don't self destruct.

there is weight in the words we've said. too heavy to carry in our heads.

and you won't ever know, won't ever see, how much your ghost since then has been defining me.

dropped four pounds and my hair's falling out again. Just want this over with. Done and sealed. Gone.

get the fuck out of my life.

There's a melody in everything, I'm trying to find a harmony but nothing seems to work. Nothing fits.

and then "benign" becomes another one of those words and I don't know where to go from there. Malignant. Maybe not four letters, but just as cursed.

I thought that Texas and my dad's old switchblade would keep me safe. But it was like deja vu, like I'd been waiting all this time to see you just about exactly where I left you. And then I remember that words like safe and absolution were words we made up to help us sleep at night. Old habits die hard.